Tuesday 7 April 2009

Boredom Reigns Supreme...

In the hope that it might alleviate the boredom of sitting and waiting for formatting to do (what could possibly be more exciting) I thought I'd write another post. No idea what I want to say yet. Sure something will come out. Luckily no-one is reading so it really doesn't matter what I write! I hope so... this boredom is infectious. It's like a pulsating, glutinous dirty wound of boredom, sure to permeate every orifice of the unsuspecting reader. Or something.

Just called Derek the handyman. We need him to dump some stuff for us tomorrow afternoon as we're having a new conference table delivered to replace the old conference table we currently have which is not appropriate for the type of mood we are trying to create in our conference area and which we are going to move into the kitchen area as it is appropriate for the type of atmosphere we are trying to create in our kitchen area. There is also fruit there. It's a fruity kind of place see. We also have biscuits. Biscuits galore. Biscuits of every shape, size and flavour available in the Tesco's Value range.

My boss is on the other line talking to a person who is trying to sell her something to do with phones. I did some telemarketing once. I lasted three hours before I quit, a quivering, broken, wrecked, ravaged, drunken mess of a shadow of the person I used to be. I'd had all the training, I knew exactly what you're meant to say. But having worked in offices I know just how ENRAGING it is to have a telemarketer on the other end of the line. I did two hours one afternoon, went out that night and got absolutely bladdered because I knew I was going to have to do more the next day. So that night I felt sick because I didn't want to do it again in the morning and also because quite frankly I'd drunk litres of vodka. Got up, did another hour and quit quit quit. Yes that's right, I'm a quitter. I think it's ok to be a quitter at certain points in your life. Like quitting telemarketing. Or quitting smoking. Life's too short to spend any longer than three hours sobbing because a secretary was rude to you. and I'm afraid I reached my time limit. And there was no cyrstal to be had. 'Twas not the job for me.

I've tried a fair few jobs in my attempt to find employment which pays to coincide with acting. I temped for ages. The highlight of my temping has to be some work for the council for whom I spent two full days calling elderly people to see how they were finding their incontinence pads and their incontinence pad removal service. You'll be pleased to know that on the main they were satisfied if a little embarrassed. I mean removal in a waste disposal capacity not... well not that.

So now, though I'll admit I am rather bored at present, I've landed on my feet in the old formatting stakes here. The office is Central, they let me have time off when I need it, the people are lovely, I know what I'm doing and quite frankly it's nice to have the normality of office work and the cold hard dosh. Turns out I'm actually pretty shit hot at formatting too. Who'd have thunk it hey? Don't like to blow my own trumpet but, er, you know, you should shout about your skills I think.

Wish there was a formatting award... I'd absolutely win that. This Oscar's taking its bloody time a bit. Annoying... xx

Thursday 26 March 2009

Toby Carvery...

So I worked at the Toby Carvery on and off for five years during gap years and then university. Absolutely loved it - great bunch of people, we always had such a laugh and I didn't even mind the waitressing part of it. We got a new boss in about October 2005 and it just so happened that I'd been offered a panto tour for six weeks over Christmas. I asked the new boss if I could have the time off and come back in January to which he agreed on the proviso that I worked Christmas Day. OK, I thought, not ideal but I understand. Doubly annoying as I only had 2 days off over Christmas and Boxing Day! But I worked "The Worst Christmas Shift EVER" - rude people, no tips (what is wrong with people??? I am giving up my Christmas Day to shovel food into your already over-stuffed greedy gob and you can't give me a tenner?? TWATS!). So I gave the new boss a call First week of January and said I'm back so shall I come in on Sunday (my normal shift). To which he replied that he had no shifts for me followed by a letter offering me a job cleaning toilets in the effing motel and then sent me my P45 - WANKER!!!

So there you go. That was the end of my illustrious career at the Toby Carvery. Shame it had such a sour ending but still, I'm pleased I've got all the wicked memories from my time there.

My boss isn't in today - she's gone for a spa day and loads of treatments with her sister. Not jealous at all *silently seething*...

Latas xx

Wednesday 25 March 2009

So...

Had the audition this morning which went as well as could be expected. The genre's not exactly my forte so just pleased I didn't crack/trip/involve myself in some horrific stage lighting based tragedy. Kind of chuffed with myself for going for it even though I know I have no chance of a recall. I think I am quite possibly the most optimistic unsuccessful actress I know!!! If I was a depressed sort of a person I really don't think I'd last for a minute in this business. Don't get me wrong , I would absolutely love to be able to act as a full time career but I know it's going to take time (possibly forever!) and I'm prepared to wait. I'm happy at the moment with no expectations and not struggling like so many actors I know.

Anyway - got paid today so treating myself to a shopping trip at Primark. My life is all go...

Formatting calls!

Latas xx

Tuesday 24 March 2009

Review me up...

Morning! Got a fab review for my part in the play I just finished and thought I'd share it with you (read no-one as no-one is reading!!!)... "XXX in particular is excellent, as she presents XXX with the harsh consequences of his actions after a harrowing backstreet abortion... much power and subtlety (in) these few tense moments."

Very nice! So I have a singing lesson to prepare for Big Audition (trademark). Had a sing through last night with my piano teacher and feeling ok - we'll see how the lesson goes. Re Piano - I'm taking my Grade 1 in June! I realise 25's a little late to start but better late than never. I'm really enjoying it and can't wait to see how good I am in a few years time... perhaps I'll be "particularly excellent"!!!!!

Latas xx

Monday 23 March 2009

It was the bubbles...

So Saturday was the last night of the play and was really well received (hurrah!). We all stayed for a few drinks afterwards and (unfortunately for my pride) I departed with the "just a soda water please" lark and hit the white wine. Hard. Was fun! Missed the last train so crashed at one of the cast's house after a kebab. Was not feeling all that special in the morning and left West London for what looked suspiciously like a walk of shame back to good old Essex. As I closed the front door behind me I realised I'd left my bloody coat inside!! It was 9am on a Sunday morning (too early), the ipod had run out of battery (annoying) so waiting for half an hour was not on the cards. I hesitated before ringing the buzzer to the flat only to be greeted by an angry neighbour who I'd woken from his Sunday lie-in. Was too scared to try another buzzer plus the coat has got a busted zip meaning I have to step in and out of it (makes me look a bit of a tit) so after twelve phonecalls to an unconcious cast-mate I gave up and braved the deceptively sunny but bitterly cold journey home with only Nana's scarf to keep me warm. She'd be so proud...

In a rather exciting/scary/ridiculous turn of events I have an audition on Wednesday for something quite big. Have been sorting out the songs I'm going to do since I found out last week and practising my little heart out in preparation. It's strange with my singing - when I'm doing something I feel confident in my ability but if I haven't stretched the singing legs for a while my self-belief goes right out the window. Have a voice lesson tomorrow so I'm hoping that'll give me a boost. Sod it, I mean what's the worst that can happen??! I don't get it - no-one dies, I haven't lost anything it's absolutely fine. Not thinking about what happens if I do well. I like to call myself an optimistic pessimist. I look on the worst side of everything but I'm quite happy about it! Deep breaths! I just want to be able to come away from the audition feelign I did my best and didn't arse it up in a massive, embarrassing, horrible, horrible way. That's not too much to ask surely.

Latas xx

Friday 20 March 2009

What's It All About?

So at the moment I'm in a play at a West End fringe venue which is plodding along rather nicely. Only three performances left and pretty much sold out for the rest of the run. Nice. Two days ago we had the casting director in who cast the most recent film version of the play... No pressure there then!! Thankfully I didn't find out that little snippet until after she'd been.

Have been very good/rather lame in the drinking stakes surrounding this play mainly because I had two weekends of alcohol induced sickness about two weeks ago and at the risk of sounding rather poncey I didn't want to harm my performance. I wasn't even going to drink two weeks ago - I was planning on having a boogie and a giggle with the girls and wanted to do it on the cheap so had a glass of wine before I left home. I then proceeded to drink vodka, champagne, sambuca and B52s. I never bloody learn! I know I really can't handle that mixing malarkey but somehow I always go in for it. Just trying to be cool aren't I. What a twat! Maybe if I wasn't having to come into the office every day whilst the play's on I could handle the hangover but eight hours of formatting is bad enough without headaches, vomit and the sweats to add to the trauma. Literally fell into bed last night - didn't even do the skincare ritual or brush my teeth(rank!). Have no idea how I'm going to survive the aftershow party after a matinee and an evening performance. Don't get me wrong, I can handle the fun part... it's just the nightbus I dread. There will be absolutely NO mixing on Saturday. Believe me, the nightbus is not the place for the aftermath of a night out. There was a party to celebrate the end of a touring panto season I did but the bar was so packed me and my mate bought about 4 doubles each and drank them in far too short a period of time. After a right old laugh on the dancefloor we paid a visit to the golden arches before valiantly braving the nocturnal chariot of the NXX. Let's just say the mixture of raspberry vodka and maccy-ds was somewhat less delightful on the way back up than it was on the way down.

I can see where this blog is going. Unfortunately most of my anecdotes revolve around vomit. Just imagine what I'm doing to my poor body. Maybe I should try to stick to the soda waters on a more regular basis. But everyone's allowed the odd binge. Aren't they?!!!

Latas!

Me xx

A Topside of Beef and an Oscar...

Hi there. Thanks for popping along! The question on everybody's lips has to be, "A Topside of Beef and an Oscar... Is she some sort of mental?" Let me quench your desire with an explanation. I have only ever won one thing in my entire life - a topside of beef in a community hall game of bingo. I couldn't even eat the bloody thing because it was frozen, it was a hot day and I was not willing to risk dying from food poisoning however excited I was to have won something. But I'm not bitter. Oh no. Not bitter at all. Whilst everyone else was winning sports trophies and quizzes and the lottery I still had the honour of winning my topside of beef and no-one could take that away from me.

The next thing I win will be an Oscar. Or an Olivier Award. That would be rather lovely. I'm an actress based in London which makes (only slightly) more tenable than say if I were working in Tescos or perhaps a Toby Carvery. I'm sure they do lovely awards for their most talented staff members and I'm sure every winner fully deserves their accolade (not that I got one at the Toby - I'm sure I'll touch on this at some point later on).

So there we are. An introduction if ever there were one. More than likely I'll be writing this for myself and no-one else but whatevs - I've got plenty of time to kill at my office job so even if it only entertains me that'll do nicely.

Latas!

Me xx